Book Review: The Misanthrope's Guide to Life (Go Away!)

The Misanthrope's Guide to Life (Go Away!) by Meghan Rowland and Chris Turner-Neal

Written by the authors of 2birds1blog, this book is a humorous look at human interaction, ways to avoid it, and coping strategies for when you can't. 

Misanthrope* (noun):
1. One who hates mankind; a curmudgeon; a loner.
2. The guy in your office who responded to your e-mail of baby photos with, "D-. Passing, but not college material."
3. A realist

The book opens by introducing us to the authors, giving a brief history of misanthropy throughout history, and then offers quizzes to help you determine if you are a misanthropist, and if so, what type.

We all have to deal with difficult people, but for some, the loathing runs deep. It's not just strangers that are a problem, it's any other homo sapien with a pulse. A plan is needed. One that contains multiple, creative coping strategies appropriate for any situation  a misanthrope may find themself in.


Frustrated with your coworkers? Find information about professions well suited to misanthropes, such as writer, trucker, and wilderness lady, as well as career choices to avoid. There are also tips for getting through the job interview, meetings management, surviving a conference, keeping your lunch hour to yourself, avoiding after work socialization, dealing with clingy coworkers, and more! I'm particularly fond of the section on "The Politics of Pooping: How to Get a Little Goddamn Privacy in the Ladies' Room", which offers tips like coughing and hacking to "mask all but the most volcanic sounds", timing a flush, and things to do while waiting someone out. All important coping skills.

Familial interactions got you down? Chapter 4 deals with "Sex, Love, and the Misanthrope" by offering suggestions on dealing with everything from your first encounter, to public proposals, to when a relationship goes down in flames. Who doesn't want to know how to avoid the "cuddle time", keep the wedding as small as it's possible to do while still being considered legal, and passive-aggressively end a relationship?

Chapter 5 covers parenting, with scenarios that start when the precious bundle of joy is still in utero, to finally getting them to fill the moving van. There's even a section on coping in the unlikely event that the misanthrope's child ends up in beauty pageants. I think the word "invaluable" best describes the section on getting out of going to the amusement park -- from getting someone else to take them, to convincing them the amusement park no longer exists, to alternative destinations there's something for everyone.

Other chapters on dealing with the family at holidays and keeping one's home as one's castle -- even if a moat isn't possible. For example, at Christmas: "Take the mistletoe down the minute you come in the door. You're a fully-grown adult Misanthrope, and you don't have to play 'Seven Minutes in Heaven' just because it's Christmas." Another favorite of mine offers this advice for dealing with door-to-door solicitors: "Take whatever literature they have and promise to return it with edits next week. Remember to check for mechanics and usage as well as content, always assign a grade, and try to leave helpful feedback". That should work.

Annoyed by the obnoxious strangers you have to deal with while on vacation or public transit? With chapters with suggestions for the misanthrope on vacation, in public venues, and on "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles", there is no situation that is missed. Everyone can benefit from the suggestions for dealing with other people's cell phone conversations, and the world would be a better place for it.

I found this book was well-written, funny, intelligent, and relate-able, even though by their quiz standards I don't actually qualify for the title of Misanthrope. I would recommend this book, especially to anyone dealing with difficult people, but with the caveat that it's not really appropriate for younger readers or those who cannot stand any profanity or vulgarity. Just keep in mind that the book is supposed to be funny, so not all of the suggestions should be followed. Some might, in fact, be a very bad idea or even illegal. Check your local ordinances and proceed at your own risk!


*This definition is taken from the book.

Petits Diamants

Last summer, I went into Michael's Arts and Crafts and saw they had Patons Stretch Socks yarn on sale, so I purchased several balls, each in a different color. My plan was to make one pair of ankle socks with each ball. I made some plain ribbed socks for the first pair, and these are the second.

The pattern is one I improvised, consisting of a lattice pattern on top, stockinette at the toe, heel, and on the bottom, and a 1x1 folded ribbed cuff. They are knitted toe up, with a short-row heel.

These I planned as very short ankle socks, and I definitely achieved that. If I were to do it over again, though, I would have made them a bit longer -- another pattern repeat and a longer cuff.

I really like the color of these (the colorway is Algae), but I have to admit that I'm not a huge fan of this yarn. It's a cotton/wool/nylon/elastic blend that just doesn't have the softness or smooshie-ness that I like in sock yarn.

I have now knit several pairs of socks from yarns that are primarily cotton, and I find that I feel the same about all of them -- the cotton makes them hard on the feet. This disappoints me because wool is very warm, and I live in a very warm climate. I had hoped that the cotton blends would extend the sock wearing weather, and it does, but I find myself reaching for the wool socks first and saving these as a last resort. I also won't wear them if I'm going to be on my feet a lot. I think that wearing them is to the feet what knitting dishcloth cotton tightly is to the hands.

One positive is that I have found socks made from this yarn to be very sturdy and have had no issues with holes.

I really like the patterning on these, and the fit (apart from being a bit short) is perfect. I think I would knit them again, but with a different yarn.

In fact, I don't think I'll be making any more socks out of this yarn. Anyone have any ideas for other projects? I think I still have at least 2 balls in different colors.


Details:
Pattern Name: Petits Diamants
Pattern Designer: Brenda McCunn
Pattern Source: Not available (yet) -- I improvised this design
Yarn: Patons Stretch Socks in the Kelp colorway
Needles: US 1 (2.25 mm) Knit Picks Harmony double-pointed needles

Day 8: Time With Friends

Today I was able to spend the afternoon having lunch and visiting with my good friend, Pat. She's one of those wonderful friends that, no matter how long it's been since you've gotten together, you just pick up where you left off.

We had lunch at Raimondo's, where the curb appeal is unprepossessing, the ambiance merely okay, the service slow, and the food utterly delicious. Seriously. If you're ever in downtown Phoenix, take the time to eat there. If you're wondering, I had the vegetable lasagna made with gray zucchini, steamed veggies, and soup of the day - potato bacon. It's so good. One nice thing about the service is that despite the fact that we spent nearly 2 1/2 hours at lunch, there was never any pressure to hurry.

I loved being able to catch up with my friend, and I hope that everyone will make the time to spend with the people they care about. After all, that is the best gift of all.

Happy New Year - 2011

Happy New Year, everyone!  I hope this year finds you happy, healthy, surrounded by those you love, and is filled with peace, joy, and love.

So, 2010 went by in a complete blur.  I met some goals, missed the mark on others.  I finished quite a few projects, but started many more.  I read some books, listened to others, and wish I'd read a few more.  Some health issues showed up, others were resolved, and I'm starting this New Year feeling better than the one before.  We welcomed a new fur baby to our family, and discovered he's well named (if you go by the British use of the word bogey) as he's one giant, furry bundle of slime.  That's okay -- we still love him.  Jay started attending public school, after being homeschooled his entire life, and is thriving in every way; I miss him.

We went to see Tron: Legacy at Jay's request.  It was okay.  I thought it had some serious pacing issues, making it boring at times, and the dialog left a lot to be desired, but the special effects were cool.  I need one of those light planes!  For me though, the most memorable part was trying to remember what other movie we'd recently seen one of the actors in.  It turns out we'd seen Michael Sheen in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, which has become one of the most replayed movies on t.v., and which we were watching because my dh didn't remember watching earlier, because he'd fallen asleep shortly after it started.  Yeah, it's that good.

Last night, for the first time ever, we set off fireworks.  Before this year's election cycle, they had been illegal here.  They seemed a lot more spectacular when I was younger, but Jay really enjoyed them, so that's all good.  Gypsy kept trying to enjoy them, too; she was completely fearless and we had to shut her in the house so she wouldn't burn herself.  Bogey, on the other had, reacted as most dogs do, by running away and into the house as fast as his legs would carry him.  Fun times!  We didn't stay up to greet the New Year, though as we had an early tee time.

So this morning found us headed to the golf course in 30ºF weather, bundled up against the cold and expecting frost delays.  There were delays, but not too bad, because the sun decided to put in an appearance today instead of hiding behind the clouds.  It even made 40ºF feel warm, until the wind started blowing.  Still, at least we've finally had a taste of winter.

My golf game today started out good, fell to merely okay, and disintegrated into terrible by the end.  One of these days I'll actually manage to keep it together enough to break 100.  I'm the only one in my family that has yet to do it, and I have to admit, I'm getting a bit frustrated with myself.  Ah, well.  There's always tomorrow.

So other than golfing, I've been doing a fair bit of knitting.  I did managed to get the Christmas present done and shipped off in time, and they LOVE it!  It's so much fun to make stuff for people who appreciate and will use it.  I wrapped up another KP project, I've just got some finishing details on another gift (felted bag), and am 1/2 through my Lady Magdalene shawl.  Too bad I still have at least a half dozen projects in the works that have been, and are being, sadly neglected.  Maybe they'll be finished in time for next year's New Year's Day post.

And I've been playing with the Nook (it's the 3G + Wi-Fi) I got for Christmas.  I don't think it will ever completely replace the paper versions for me, but I really do like it, and am very glad I got it.  Oh, and e ink is Incredible!

I also headed out to see my sister today to deliver her Christmas present.  It's a learning "laptop", and she was Very Pleased Indeed to get it.  I have a feeling there will be lots of learning going on for her.  As I was leaving her place, I noticed her neighbor's house, and had to stop and take a photo.  Every square inch of their yard was completely covered with Christmas lights and decorations.

 It was amazing.  I'm sure their electric bill is too. 

As usual, I'm not making any resolutions for the coming year.  No goal or plans either.  I do hope this year won't pass by quite as quickly, though. 

Happy New Year!

Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton, A Review

The story is about a hardscrabble farmer named Ethan Frome, his unhappy marriage to his hypochondriac wife Zenobia (Zeena), and his love affair with his wife's cousin, Mattie Silver.

Ethan is broken in body when he is introduced, but his spirit had been broken long before.  As a young man he had a promising future, on his way to leaving the farm he was raised on and becoming an engineer, until his father was in an accident and he was left to care for his ailing mother.  Help came in the form of his cousin Zenobia, who knew what to do to help his mother, and stayed with her until she died.  At this point, fearing being alone, Ethan proposes to her and they marry.  They make plans to sell the farm and move on to bigger and better things, but time passes with no sale, Zeena shows herself to be a miserable hypochondriac, and remorse over a hasty marriage soon sets in.

Then along comes Mattie Silver, an orphaned cousin of Zeena's with no place to go.  The Fromes take her in to be a help for Zeena.  Mattie, however, having been the beloved daughter of a wealthy merchant and unacquainted with work of any kind, was deemed "delicate" and failed to make even an adequate showing at her duties.  This left Ethan to pick up the slack, but because she was so beautiful and cheerful, he didn't mind.  Well, that, and the fact that he'd fallen in love with Mattie -- a sentiment she returned.

Zeena, a miserable, complaining woman obsessed with her "ailments", truly excelled at making the people around her miserable as well.  She was not, however stupid, and saw what was going on.  To deal with it, she hied herself off to yet another doctor for treatments they could ill afford, leaving Ethan and Mattie alone together.  It is during this trip that they share their feelings with each other, and that a treasured wedding item of Zeena's gets broken, giving her cause to send Mattie away.

Neither Ethan nor Mattie can deal with being parted, so Ethan hastily conceives a plan for them to run away together.  When it becomes apparent to Ethan that there are too many hindrances to his plan, it is discarded, and preparations for goodbye are made.  On the way to the train station, they stop at a particularly dangerous sled run (it's winter) that they had decided to go down earlier feeling confident that Ethan could keep them safe.  As this is their last opportunity to do so, they decide to make the run now.  After safely making it down the hill, their time of parting is at hand.  Instead, Mattie asks Ethan to take her down the hill again, but this time to purposely crash so that they would never have to be parted.  And so their suicide run commences.  Spoiler Alert: They fail.

They both end up badly injured and disfigured, but Ethan heals enough to work to support them again, while Mattie becomes an invalid.  Zeena is left to take care of them both.

Spark Notes

I understand that Ethan and Mattie are meant to be sympathetic characters, and Zeena isn't, but I must say that I couldn't stand any of them.  I could find nothing redeeming in either Ethan or Mattie, and the only redeeming quality that Zeena had is that she did, in fact, stay and care for them after their attempted suicide.  I didn't care at all for this story.

I had never read anything by Edith Wharton before, and all I knew of her is that she was unhappily married, making me wonder if this book was at all autobiographical (apparently, it wasn't).  I find her writing to be everything it is purported to be -- a rare occurrence.  Clear, engaging, descriptive without being verbose, her use of symbolism is impeccable.

Her talents are, however, wasted on this story that wasn't worth the telling.

I would dearly love to have back the hours that were wasted on reading this. 

If you would like to read it yourself for free, you can do so here.

It's Bountiful

For several years now, my friends have been telling me about a food co-op called Bountiful Baskets.  Okay, so it was more like them singing their praises and urging me to join too.  The only caveat?  There is so much food, my little family of 3 may not be able to eat it all.

So I finally did.  And this is what I got on Saturday:

2 bunches of celery, a head of Romaine lettuce, broccoli, green beans, 7 sweet potatoes, 3 tomatoes, a package of champagne grapes, a bunch of bananas, 3 Valencia oranges, 2 mangoes, 7 peaches, and a lot of small plums.  In the back you see the 5 loaves of 9 grain bread I added to my order.  So much good food!

And all of it for only....

$26.50.

The produce basket is $15.  The bread was an optional add-on, and was $10.  All orders have a $1.50 processing fee.  And for new people, the FIRST time you order, you will also add a $3.00 new member fee.

The real deal is this: It is a lot of produce for the money.  I personally have had some quality issues with some of the fruit being spoiled, but it is generally not much.  The produce is generally ripe and ready to eat when you get it, so you will need to be able to use it or store it within the week you get it, and you don't get to select what you will receive.  Also, remember that this is a co-op, so everyone working is a volunteer.  You also have to make your purchase online, and there is a deadline to do so -- generally it's no later than Wednesday, and pick up is on Saturday.  There is a 20 min. window to pick up your order, and if you miss it, your food will be donated to a charitable organization, with no refunds or exchanges available for any reason.

Bottom line is that this is a good deal on produce if you can use it up within the week, especially if you don't have a Farmer's Market nearby.  You may have some quality issues, but, since I'm the only person I know that's actually found any rotten fruit, the odds are that it will be okay.  So, I do recommend it, but it's not for everyone, and I won't be participating anymore.  And since it's available in 8 states, there may be one near you.  If not, and you wanted to participate, you could always check into bringing it to your area.

Angel Time

As a teenager, I was introduced to the vampire novels by Anne Rice.  Her storytelling was excellent, and I found myself drawn into them, readily identifying with the characters.  I got away from reading Gothic, dark, and horror (I used to be a Stephen King fan, too) stories, and so never read any of her other works, but always remembered the Vampire Chronicles with fondness, and connected to memories of my life at the time.

Several years ago, in 1998, Anne returned to the Catholic Church she grew up in, and in 2002, consecrated her writing entirely to Christ.  This made me intensely curious about her new books and what it meant in relation to her older books.  However, because I didn't immediately run out and get any of the new books, I ended up forgetting about them.  Until last Christmas, that is.

One of the Christmas gifts I received was a copy of the novel Angel Time.  Curious as I was to dive into this, I also found myself a little reluctant.  I think on some level I feared that it would somehow tarnish the memories I had both of the books and my life.  Yes, I do realize that's a bit silly, but there you have it.  I finally got over this when I picked up the book on Tuesday and began to read.  I was finished the next day.

Mrs. Rice is still an excellent story teller, and I greatly enjoyed this story of hit-man-turned-agent-for-God.  I found there to be a sense of joy in this book, which I hadn't noticed in any others, and even found that her dealing with faith wasn't the in-your-face preachy-ness that can sometimes be found in "Christian" novels.  There is still plenty of the supernatural to be found, but from a lighter perspective; forgiveness, redemption, and the deep love of God for His people being the main theme, as opposed to the search for meaning in earlier books.  I also found myself wondering how much of it was autobiographical, as there are some similarities between the author and the hit man.  I liked that she doesn't shy away from the ugliness or beauty of the Church's past.

Bottom line?  I recommend it.